The fellas at the shop have been doing a lot of chirping a lot at the shop about how the quarterback situation has been going. There were a lot of guys that were drafted with the intention of putting them in the lineup more than just when their regular starter was on a bye week. In our league, it’s become a little frantic with the bye weeks kicking in and QBs that were expected to be good for a butt-load of points have been stinking up their diapers. Not all were projected to be starters, but many of them were, especially in bigger leagues.

Personally, their cries are falling of deaf ears since I have Peyton Manning getting his mail at my shop. But, they’re getting louder and more filled with curse words. It would seem as though half the quarterbacks in the league have the middle initial F. (or at least that’s how the fellas say their names these days).

It really is pretty amazing how bad some of the quarterback situations have been. Don’t take my word for it, friends. I’ve cleaned up some of the language because there are children and ladies that read this and much if the language is much too salty for general consumption. I’ve haven’t totally cleaned it up, but it’s a lot better than what it was.

Tom Brady. Tommy Boy was taken with the expectation that he would be in the class of guys like Peyton Manning, Drew Brees and Aaron Rodgers. He hasn’t had more than two TD passes in any game and has more games with less than 200 yards (two) than 300 yards (one). He isn’t living up to his billing.

Cam Newton. He’s had only one big game and has disappointed more than he has pleased fantasy owners. He was drafted for his dangerous ability as a runner, but has just 123 yards and one TD in four games, not what you expected from a guy drafted everywhere to be a starter.

Robert Griffin III. He has thrown for 300 yards three times because his team has been so far behind, but he was drafted because he’s a running threat. In four games, he has just six TD passes and hasn’t run for a touchdown and is averaging just 18 yards a game on the ground. Peyton Manning has more TD passes in one game and more rushing TDs than RG3.

Colin Kapernick. After his huge opener against the Packers, he has just three touchdowns in the last four games, has thrown for 167 yards or less in each of the last four games and, his rushing totals have dropped off dramatically (just four carries the last two games after 23 rushes in the first three). He has played his way out of fantasy lineups.

Matthew Stafford. You know he’s going to throw for yardage, but hasn’t had more than two touchdowns in any game and has just one in each of his last two while throwing for just 500 yards.

Eli Manning. If your league penalizes you for interceptions, he’s almost unplayable. The Giants have been so bad, he’s been able to pad his numbers, but, since his Week 1 loss, he has just four TD passes in his last four games.

Michael Vick. Go figure. He’s hurt again. After a strong first couple of games when his stock was on the uptick, Vick has just one touchdown in his last three games and will miss at least this next week with a hammy injury. He continues his streak of seasons where he doesn’t play all 16 games, which was the biggest knock against him.

Russell Wilson. He somehow puts up enough numbers to remain a fantasy darling, but he has one TD or fewer in three of five games and hasn’t thrown for more than 210 yards in any of the last four. He’s become a rushing force the last two games, but is still a big question mark in an era when some QBs are lighting teams up on a weekly basis.

Ben Roethlisberger. He has made himself almost unplayable despite some big yardage in his last couple of games. He has just five touchdowns in four games with two TDs in one and one in the other three. He may be the biggest dog in the fight, but his bite is missing a few teeth.

Joe Flacco. He has just five touchdowns in five games and has been too sketchy to play.

Andy Dalton. He threw for 282 yards and two touchdowns in the first game. He hasn’t improved either of those numbers in any of the four games he’s played since and hasn’t thrown a touchdown in the last two games.

Carson Palmer. In his first game, he hooked up with my by Fitz twice and threw for better than 300 yards. In the four games since, he doesn’t have more than one TD in any game and hasn’t hit 250 yards.

Matt Schaub. He’s likely going to get benched because he has thrown nine interceptions. But, if you play him at home, in two games he has five touchdowns and 650 yards. It’s on the road where he stinks – under 200 yards and no touchdowns in either game.

Josh Freeman. He was one of those hunch picks because he had a power running back in Doug Williams and a pair of elite fantasy receivers in Vincent Jackson and Mike Williams. He got benched and the divorce came quick. Now he’s looking to win a job in Minnesota.

It’s been a crazy year for quarterbacks this season. Guys like Peyton Manning, Drew Brees and Tony Romo have been off the chain. But their impressive performances have been offset by so many players who have been streaky. If you’re looking for the key to success for a lot of fantasy teams, you don’t have to look much farther than quarterback. Plenty of Manning owners are 5-0, just like not many Brady owners are 4-1. If they are, someone else has carried them to the Promised Land.

SWEEPING UP

• Don’t look now, but the Arizona Cardinals have quietly won three of their last four and aren’t the mutts so many people thought they were after losing the opener to St. Louis. The only team that has beaten Arizona handily was New Orleans and they’ve done that to everyone they’ve played.
• As it stands right now, Denver is on pace to have four receivers catch 85 or more passes for 1,000 yards or more. Three has been done on rare occasion, but four? Damn, son.
• Denver opened as a 28-point favorite over Jacksonville for this Sunday. The only question would seem to be who is going to bet on the Jags?
• Kansas City hasn’t allowed more than 17 points in any game this season, which is why they’re 5-0. Alex Smith and Andy Reid are getting all the credit, but it’s a defense that won’t allow points that is the reason why the Chiefs are kicking it this year.
• Drew Brees has thrown 12 touchdowns – seven to his tight ends, three to his running backs and just two to his wide receivers.
• There’s only one way to watch Oakland play – when it’s midnight and you’re already drunk.

THE RAZOR’S EDGE

10. Old Man Rivers – Is there a team more inconsistent that the Chargers? They look like world-beaters one week and then follow it up with a flat performance and another loss. With the only competition in the West appearing to be for third place, losing to Oakland was a big step back, much less scoring 17 points against a team that had allowed 61 points in the previous two games.

9. Three Starting QBs Are No Starting QBs – Minnesota was on its bye week, but found a way to make news anyway, signing Josh Freeman after he was released by Greg Schiano. Christian Ponder isn’t a quality starter. Matt Cassel looked good against Pittsburgh, but everyone looks good against Pittsburgh. What is the purpose of adding yet another mediocre quarterback? Who will be No. 1? Who will be No. 2? Who will be No. 3? There are just too many question marks and not enough answers in Minny.

8. Unrest in Mayberry – One of the all-time great barbers, Floyd from Mayberry, calls every now and then to brag up the Carolina Panthers. He is especially proud of the Panthers defense. They’ve allowed just five touchdowns in four games and opponents are scoring less than 15 points a game. That should have them with a record of 3-1 or 4-0. Nope. They’re 1-3 and sinking fast.

7. Blowin’ In the Wind – After they got off to a 3-0 start, the Bears have dropped two straight and look pretty beatable. The once-feared Bears defense is allowing 28 points a game. That’s too high for a team that has playoff expectations. Chicago finally has enough offense to win, but not enough defense for the first time in a long time.

6. If I’m Lion, I’m Dyin’ – Detroit had a chance to make a statement in the NFC North. They did, but not the one you want to make. Detroit had a chance to bury the Packers and drop them to 1-3. Without Calvin Johnson, the offense just didn’t show up and not only did they give the Packers life, they gave them an early tie-breaker advantage that may come back to haunt them later.

5. Impractical Joeckel – As if things can’t go bad enough for the Jaguars, they just got worse. After trading Eugene Monroe to open up the left tackle spot for Luke Joeckel, he last all of one quarter before going down. As bad as the Jags have been this season, now they’re a dismal team without either of its starting offensive tackles. Welcome No. 1 overall draft pick. The good news for fantasy fans is that Blaine Gabbert will miss time with a hammy injury.

4. Calling Dr. Heimlich – What is it about Tony Romo and facing pressure? He was having the game of his life Sunday and had gone 175 passes without an interception. But, with a chance to win the game against Denver when they were tied at 48-48 with two minutes to play, Romo threw the key interception that ended the game and took away a game Dallas should have won. There’s something about the big moment on the big stage that makes this guy choke so consistently. Jerruh Jones can call it a moral victory, but others call it a moron pass – even though fantasy owners with Romo were doing the happy dance all afternoon.

3. The Other Manning – While his brother Peyton is shattering records, little brother Eli and the Giants are heading into the other direction. Eli has thrown 12 interceptions and been sacked 15 games. The G-Men are 0-5 and Manning is on pace to throw 38 interceptions. Everyone keeps thinking the Giants can flip a switch and start winning. That switch is busted

2. Schauboni’s Pizza – A new pizza joint opened up down the street from the shop and their grand opening special is “Pick-6 Toppings” for the price of one. Bidness ain’t been good, but they’re giving away some nice gifts. However, the Yates Motel may be taking over their office space soon because Schauboni’s lease is on a week-to-week basis.

1. My Grits Are Burning – The Falcons have put themselves in a four-game hole to the Saints in the Dirty South. Their hopes of winning the division a year after losing at home in the NFC Championship Game, not only has Atlanta matched its loss total of the entire 2012 season (18 games) in their first five, they are as far out of first place as any team in the NFL. They’ve had a lot of success in Atlanta. How will they handle a struggle like this?

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